Enabling is all about control

Enabling is all about control

Families and friends never want to hear this, but it’s true. Helping someone makes us feel helpful. It makes
us feel like we have something to give- that we have purpose. It can be reciprocated within healthy families.

When we continually help someone who is addicted, we are enabling them to stay sick. Giving them money, picking
them up in bars, bailing them out of jail may make us feel good, but it certainly won’t help them get well.
Anyone in recovery will tell you that they needed to feel the consequences of their addiction for them to seek

If you are covering up for them, lying to family members about your family’s situation, maybe even putting yourself
at risk financially, or physically you have to ask yourself why? Why do you continue to do what you are doing when
you know it is not helping. Why continue to let this go on for days, weeks, months and years??

The majority of the time, the reason is because families thought they could “fix” it on their own. The problem would
go away or at least be bearable. The incident that caused them guilt, shame, anger, or physical consequences would be enough
to scare them to quit on their own. The relationships that were damaged or lost were too far gone to repair, so
families tried to make them forget about them, and may even have blamed the other people, and possibly used them as a

The finger was always pointed at someone else but themselves or the person who was addicted. Families continue to
relapse as much as their loved one. They can’t stop trying to “fix” things or make them better. They believe
that this time will be different.

Meanwhile, their son, husband, brother, dad or uncle just gets sicker and as they continue to try to figure out how
to “fix” the situation–without letting anyone know what is going on. Families typically don’t want to spend money to
get them help because that would be a waste of money when they can do it themselves OR what would people say if their
loved one went to REHAB ??. They will continue to buy them groceries, lunch, clothes or stuff to make them comfortable.
They will pay their rent, their mortgage, their car payment, their credit card debt, student loans, their dealers, or
Fast Cash Pay advances. They make them debt free, with a belly full of food, so they can go out and drink or use again.
They will babysit for them, do extra work for them, and lie for them. And if they work for them – NO way would they ever
consider firing them. Ironically, Employers would have no issue letting them go, if they were abusing substances, putting
others at risk and refused treatment.

That is the one thing families won’t do- they will not let them be accountable for their own actions. The other is that
they will not stop micro-managing their loved one’s addiction and send them to a program who have experts to help get them
well. Families love to control the situation BUT will not take responsibility for the mess they have made by controlling the

If they finally decide to relinquish that control and bring their loved one’s to Habitude’s Addiction Program, we
then have to keep them from telling us how to fix their loved one. They want to make sure their loved one is pampered,
and gets what he wants—– We want him to get what he needs.

In recovery, a person who is addicted needs routine, they need support, they need to be accountable and responsible.
They need to focused on becoming healthy, independent, and substance free.

In recovery, the families need routine, they need support and they need to be accountable and responsible. They
need to focused on becoming healthy, independent and detached with love from anyone who is not allowing them to practice
self care.

As you will see, their is not much difference between what a client needs and what a family needs. They want balance in
their lives, they want respect for themselves and they want to have honest relationships with their loved ones.

In healthy relationships, there is no need to control. Families are confident that they have built a foundation that
allows their family members to flourish in their own lives. When they are together that foundation is built on mutual
respect and admiration for each other, Not pain, fear, shame and control.

So stop controlling, covering up or micromanaging your loved one’s recovery.
NO more co-dependency!!
Call us today….. STOP the insanity-
Let us help your entire family get well.

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