by Tammy Francoeur, Director of Peer Support
Today, we see so much co-dependency in families, and such an unhealthy sense of entitlement which is becoming problematic for many families in our community.
Parents today are afraid to say no, afraid to let their kids work out their own challenges, afraid to let them be accountable and responsible for their own decisions ( good or bad)…… You see it in the schools, in the arena’s, in the dance studios, where we work, and in many families—-
It is said every day that not enough kids/young adults today show respect for elders. Many are very self centred, with a very woe is me attitude that make parents feel like they owe them happiness and a stress free life.
OH I wish we all had those privileges. Thankfully for most parents, we all have learned in our lifetimes that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
So why don’t we let them fall and wipe off their own knees, and allow them to learn how to maneuver their own way through life with more confidence and experience. We all had money issues, job issues, friend issues, relationship issues, babysitting issues, rejection issues, jealously issues and lived through them. We had to learn the word NO, I can’t afford it, I will do it, I will get through it, I can do it… and finally I got through it and felt better for doing it ourselves and admitted that we learned something from that experience.
Parents today run into fix problems, pay debts, do their homework or housework. How many grandparents today take the kids when they want to vs being guilt-ed into to taking them as “they have too as their kids have no other option” … How many parents top up incomes for their kids as their kids can’t live within their own means or pay for repairs on cars, houses, cottages because their kids didn’t “anticipate” the expense. How many parents witness their own kids spending money on clothes, cars, food and drugs and alcohol… and crying the blues about being broke?
How many parents get little to nothing for birthday’s, Christmas or just because…..
We need to teach kids and young adults to be kind, and value what is freely given to them and expect them to pay it forward too. If they are not working…. why are they not volunteering? If they can’t pay for a babysitter, then maybe they need to look at their expenses, and what they need to cut back on, or maybe even figure out if it working at their current job is really helping or hurting their home situation personally and financially. If they lose their job or become laid off, why do we allow them to run to mom and dad to bail them out?… Why aren’t we telling them that they must learn to plan for those situations and be self-reliant and trust that they will figure it out?…. Why don’t we expect them to take whatever Job they can to support themselves and their families? Maybe they need to realize that they can’t afford where they are living or the car they are leasing…. Maybe, they will have to make a decision and sometimes that decision may entail moving or selling the car. Sometimes relocating to a better job and lower living costs is something they might need to do. If they need to move to another Province to work – then trust that this is something that they must do. If they are resentful, or angry about having to do this then that is childish and their sense of entitlement is out of whack and all the more reason why you need to let them stand up on their own two feet. As loving parents we must love them enough to let them grow up and experience the growing pains of doing so. It is what our parents or grandparents did to survive and thrive.
So let’s empower them so they can grow up to be self reliant, independent adults and parents can go back to just being parents and grandparents who are confident that their own kids cannot only survive but thrive.
Habits and Attitude = Habitude
Call today if you are struggling with yours….1-877-523-8369